Flirting With Disaster

They says its your birthday---nah, nah, nah, nah---

2008-10-20T19:06:00.003-05:00

I have been receiving a great deal of flack lately- for something that quite honestly- am I sure boils down to jealousy and truly poor PR on the part of my friends and coworkers.
October is (for any who don't already know) BIRTHDAY MONTH!!! This is the special month where we celebrate all things related to me, my conception, and continued existence on this Earth. Considering I was an unplanned pregnancy, my life expectancy has been exceptionally long. And really an continued existence- with all of the shenanigans my good friends and family were able to get us into- deserves more celebration than a day...more celebration than a week. Really it takes a complete month to truly celebrate all that my surviving another year deserves.

Unfortunately not everyone appreciates the amount of celebrating necessary. Some of my coworkers have started giving me grief on birthday month. I think this is because they don't really understand its wonderfulness. I think they are also jealous that they don't have a complete month- but that is not my fault. Birthday month has taken years of self-promotion and positive PR. This is the first year that my students (now that we are on year two they are trained) have completely joined in and signed on to birthday month. I'm not saying the PR is easy--or getting everyone on board will happen.
I'm just saying that it is so worth it. So stop being a hater- go get your own birthday month.

Hard to break...

2008-08-23T22:57:00.003-05:00

The school year has started out as a rousing success. I have finally been promoted. I moved up with my lovely 2nd graders...and we are now 3rd Graders!!! The year I thought would be smooth sailing easy, is going to be filled with new challenges and lots of learning ( I'm even hoping the kids will get something out of this year!) I am optimistic about the future and loving school. My friends are amazing, and I'm working to break my bad habits. It doesn't hurt that our new house is amazing. Today I sat by the water and worked on lesson plans...life is rough.

Take a look at my lovely view. Yeah, I know you want to be me.

New York, Japan, Italy, My Past

2008-07-02T22:43:00.003-05:00

The next portion of the road trip took me back to old places I wasn't sure I wanted to see, and introduced me to new people I absolutely adore. Lisa and I began the long trip from Michigan to Long Island. My good friend Lindsey- whom I adore- is living there with her future in-laws and they were kind enough to put Lisa and I up for a couple of nights. What this meant was that I had to return to Long Island, a place that I wasn't so sure I wanted to see again. The cool thing was that as we drove we went past places I knew, and exits I remembered, I didn't feel sad or as if I was missing out on anything. My life has moved on, and I love where I am at. I particularly love it in January when the low is 72.

Anyway, Lisa and I stayed at Lindsey's fiance's Vinnies parent home. It was beautiful, and so wonderful to see Lindsey being welcomed into such a warm and loving family. It made me feel so much better about her leaving us in Boca to move to the wretched north.

After a lovely night in whatever is Japanese for home, (did I mention that Vinnie's family is Italian? They are) Lindsey, Lisa and I headed into the Big Apple. We began our day by heading for ground zero. With all of the construction going on there is not a lot to see, but the church accross the street offered a ton of information and pictures and stories. We were each moved to tears.

We then headed out on a double decker bus tour. It was on said tour that I learned a very important fact. A tour is only as good as the tour guide. We never did find one that matched each of our tastes, but that is not from a lack of our getting off and on buses until we found a new one. We had a delicious lunch at an Italian restaurant.
Map reading skills are so important but Lindsey and I can't find the building with the homeless man in front of it anywhere. Oh GPS we need you!!
Our day was capped off by a trip to Macy's bridal department. It was there that we met the wedding Nazi. Lindsey had asked me to try on bridesmaid dresses so that she could get a feel for what some of the options might look like on her bridesmaids. Now after a few weddings I have grown to have less and less of an opinion about the dress I'm in. So I was pulling just about everything that might strike Lindseys fancy. It was then that the wedding nazi begins her diatribe, about the fact that I should have no opinion on the bridesdmaid dresses, that it is the brides day and I should smile and nod (all of these things I know- remember I'm always a bridesmaid never a bride girl) She then proceeds to go off on Lindsey about the fact that she shouldn't even look at a bridesmaid gown until she has her wedding dress picked out. She lets me know that I am a bridesMAID not a bridesfriend and that I really had no place there.

It was a very humorous end to a long day....tomorrow we go belly dancing in the Bronx.

Back to School

2008-07-02T22:36:00.003-05:00

We spent days 4-6 in Michigan with Satin. I have to say some things never change. When we were in college we watched movies, sang along with Mike's guitar, ate Chinese food, played games and teased one another. Now that years have passed, we are older, wiser, Mike told me that I have really changed. But you put the three of us together and what do we do?

Oh yeah, watch movies, sing songs, eat, play games, eat, tease each other, eat, and drink.

I guess some things never change. and honestly- I don't think I'd want them to.

I'm still bummed we never made it to the train museum or the under water restaurant- but next time....well next time we'll probably eat, watch movies, eat, sing, eat...you know the drill.

Hell 'n' Back

2008-07-02T22:11:00.003-05:00

Its day three and we are on the road again. After our failed attempt to find the worlds largest silly nose and glasses we should have assumed that hunting down roadside attractions was not the glamorous and romantic occupation I had first anticipated. Our next stop on our journey was to be Hell, Michigan. Why would two nice girls want to visit Hell? Good question- no real answer- maybe we aren't really that nice.

Before two nice girls can head to Hell they need to pick up the Hell essentials- hand baskets. We stopped at Walmart (another type of hell) and began our car craftiness.

Here I am working on car crafts. As our journey continues deeper into the Michigan country side. We discover that Michigan is beautiful, and my cd is not doing it justice (sad face) Now that the hand baskets are finished we are excited to experience everything Hell has to offer.

Lisa pulled up to 3 very shabbily painted building with all sorts of cheesy slogans and sayings.

We began by walking around, taking the occasional cheesy picture. Might I ad that I look 20 pounds heavier in every single one of them. That's Hell for you. After walking around outside saying "Is this it?" We head inside to see what they have to offer and see if we can at least find a good post card. We are greeted with a very frosty reception by a less than friendly reception but after all- we are in Hell. Wait for it- it gets worse. The postcards are lame- the stickers are over priced and finally when we decide there is nothing here for us, we decide to leave and see what else Hell has

to offer. I kindly ask where the restrooms are...and wouldn't you know it. What are the facilities in Hell? Port-o-potties out back. THIS PLACE REALLY WAS HELL!!!

We decide to leave this section of Hell for more interesting tourist opportunities. We head on with our GPS to discover that those three buildings were Hell. There was no more, that all she wrote. Since the only food offerings in Hell was pizza we left. Found a wonderful coffee shop with huge sandwiches and Fabulous coffee. We continued on to Satin's from Hell and we are happy to say we will never be going to Hell again!!

Day 2 Lost much?

2008-06-17T10:46:00.002-05:00

After several minutes of pacing back and forth in front of Kathy and Scott's window wondering if Lisa had decided she would have more fun on the road without me, she came through and arrived. Literally minutes before the skies opened up and poured. My suitcase was barely in the trunk before the cats and dogs came pouring down. Since this was such an auspicious beginning to our trip we didn't get the photo ops, but instead headed out into the rainy abyss.

We immediately popped in the Illinois cd (if you didn't know, I made a cd for each state we were to visit, using only musicians from that state or songs that have the state name in the song.) and began rocking out in the rain.

Our first stop was to be the worlds largest pair of silly nose and glasses. We plugged in the address in GPS and off we were. GPS preceded to try and lead us down not one, not two, but three roads that were either closed or did not even exist. After our third foil, we gave up on our quest to see the nose and glasses - sigh. We preceded on to Warsaw, Indiana to see Lisa's younger brother Greg who works at the prestigious Wagon Wheel Theater. Greg works crazy hours and builds amazing sets, when we visited he was working on the set up for an amazing production of The Wizard of Oz. The two 20 minutes meals that we got to see Greg were great and then we were off on the road again....

On the Road Day 1ish

2008-06-17T10:31:00.002-05:00

I began the first day of my trip by not sleeping. It wasn't just the excitement of leaving to spend time with Lisa...I also had an important job to do. Meghan had not seen far too many classic 80's and 90's movies. Our evening began with a little bit of Troop Beverly Hills. This is the classic 90's sleep over movie- all of my favorite childhood sleepovers include a viewing of this movie. We then moved on to Empire Records and then some High Fidelity. By this time it was 3:30 in the morning and time to take me to the airport.

I boarded a plane to Atlanta with a second flight into Chicago. My first flight was awful- my first experience being air sick- followed by a second flight that was better than the first.

I arrived in Chicago and was greeted at the airport by my dear college friend Mr. Man. He brought me back to his adorable home where I was able to visit with his beautiful wife and my college RA Kathy. Kathy and Scott have been working to carefully clone two of the most adorable mini-me's I have ever seen. It was a good thing those boys were cute because not long into my visit I was forced down into a dank, murky very spooky crawl space to wait out the tornadoes that loomed overhead. If I hadn't had two such strong and brave young men to protect me, I definitely would have freaked. But both boys were champs and didn't flinch during our 35 minutes in captivity.

The rest of the evening was spent in wonderful reminiscing over college and talk of dreams for the future. I am so happy that my return trip will include another visit with Kathy and Scott and their beautiful boys!!

Ok, This time I really mean it...

2008-04-18T09:33:00.002-05:00

This morning I woke up with a splitting headache- craving Taco Bell or Jimmy John's. For those of you who know me well you know what kind of night I had last night. You may have even gotten a call from me, since my phone seems to be irresistible after a couple of drinks.
I have only done this one other time- my first year of teaching and boy did I pay. I swore never again on a school night. Its just not worth it. Its amazing how 4 short years later I forgot. I was able to minimizing the suffering that occurs. I think this is the same phenomenon that allows women to want more than one baby.
But this time, I mean it! Never, ever , never ever again....this is torture.....I wish the school bell would ring already---(but not too loud, my head hurts).

S is for.....

2008-04-17T16:33:00.004-05:00

So after a mind numbing three days of SAT- which those of you in education know stands for Suck out your soul Asinine Testing- I have come up with a plethora of uses for a number two pencils-- none of which include the filling in of bubbles. I am now questioning the education system in our country. Anyone who thinks that submitting out children to that torture session-(the inquisition is not dead- it has merely evolved) is beneficial in any way, needs to come and spend a little time with my students. Forty minutes of fill in the bubbles in silence would cause anyone to submit to the demons and score low!!
Day one of testing began in such a manner.
I have a student that struggles with attention (I'm minimizing here) we'll call him Curly. At 8:02 his classmates are all seated silently working on their morning work. Curly is standing 3 desks away from his own, trying to explain to his classmate why his pencil sharpening technique is superior. At 8:08- Curly has managed to lose his lunch ticket in the 10 feet from his desk to mine. We still haven't discovered how this is even possible. At 8:20 I have finished explaining the testing procedures and have uttered the words " You may begin". At 8:25 Curly raises his hand and explains that he has managed to break all three of his superiorly sharpened pencils- since the test began- 5 MINUTES AGO.
Three days of testing later I am home--looking forward to more than just a few of the adult beverages in our house- and a brand new episode of the Office.
Hopefully I can find my will to teach before the bell rings at 7:50 tomorrow morning. Otherwise you may very well be hearing about me on CNN- me and all of those uses I've discovered for the left over number two pencils!!

Come on Ride the train...

2008-03-30T20:52:00.002-05:00

This weekend was filled with fun and incredible random quotes.
Friday after school, my friend Meghan, who may be one of the easiest people to be around I have ever known, and I drove up to Orlando to visit my grandparents and visit the theme parks. The car ride up "north" was filled with laughter and great conversation-and quotes that mean nothing to anyone but us. We arrived at my grandparents house right before my grandmother began her "We could die at any minute, don't plan on anything too far in the future, like you may have to get your own breakfast if I go in my sleep." I have to admit, I love my Grandma, but she is so over dramatic---good thing that didn't get passed down ;)
So anywho, we start rifling through old pictures looking for "keepers" for the 60th wedding anniversary, when I happen upon a picture of Grandma with some very sassy looking ladies. Grandma explained that those girls were her "Coffee Club". They hung out and did things together after work and on the weekends. She informed us that the group motto was "Hobbies not Hubbies"--but sadly almost every girl got married within the year. Meghan and I appreciated the motto so much, that we have adopted it, and made t-shirts---pictures to follow.

The next morning Meg and I drove to Disney's Hollywood Studios- formerly MGM- to meet my college friends Pete and Hannah on their honeymoon. It was wonderful to see them and the park was fun too (although it was no Epcot).

Ok...i'm getting sleepy...I'll fill you in tomorrow on the crazy shows and freaky wait staff.....

Called out...

2008-03-12T13:14:00.003-05:00

Today as I'm grading math papers, I find myself amused by my student's creativity. They had to write a story problem for the number sentence 10-4=.
I couldn't help but smile as I read one little girls story problem about her single mother.
My mom had 10 bottles of wine. She drank 4 bottles. How many bottles of wine does she have left?

Hmm?? I wonder whats going on in that house. I love my kids. ;)

Automobile...

2007-12-27T23:01:00.000-06:00

Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, etc.

During the last week of school my students and I were sharing devotion time. Now, the devotional I've been using lately tells the children about some historic event that happened on this date, and then ties in a biblical truth or story to that event. It also tells you about what national holiday or event it may be. For example, once it was National Waffle Day, another it was National shoe day. You get the drift. On this particular day it was National Humbug Day.
"Wait what? Its what day? " Ask several students.

One of my particularly bright girls says " Humbug, like bah humbug- you know Scrooge says it."

To which one of my little boys replies, "Wait, I thought it was a car,"

Thats right, somehow, somewhere there is somebody out there driving a Humbug, I'm pretty sure Volkswagon makes it.
;-)

Backhand Land

2007-12-11T10:10:00.000-06:00

The last 24 hours I have been inundated with a plethora of backhanded compliments. Seeing as how I know you care about my personal well being, I thought I might keep you abreast of the situation and let you hear about a couple of my favorites.

Last night at bible study we had our group Christmas party. In my attempt to be festive and holiday contemporary, I wore a bright red jumper that makes me look somewhere in the area of twelvish. (My roommate is sure that she owned the exact same dress when she was 12) OH well, I love it anyway. So anywho, one of my extremely eloquent- shockingly single- guy friends comes up and tells me- "I really like that big red thing you are wearing".....yes- apparently I'm big!!!! My clothing is huge and my body is running close behind.....

moving along.....

This morning in reading class I did a Gingerbread Man unit. We colored, read a story and did a story map, followed by a crossword. The kids were really enjoying it...when one sweet little girl comes up to let me know that she is having so much fun in reading. She explains that this is surprising because normally reading is so BORING.

In 24 hours I learned tat I was both fat, and boring...and a host of other backhanded compliments that I will not divulge because I can only let you know how flawed I am in small increments.

Dating Karma

2007-12-10T07:57:00.000-06:00

I guess that old addage about what goes around comes around, or whatever it is....its true. So sorry to all those girls in college. I get it now.

Who does this sound like to you...

2007-12-04T01:11:00.000-06:00

I've recently taken a moment to go back and read some of my older posts, and I've had an epiphany. In the last few weeks I've been so concerned with getting recent events documented, that I didn't take the time to tell the story. To really be me. Its just, and then I did this, and then and then and then.
I'm reading a book by a speaker that I love to listen to. When he begins speaking you instantly understand his passion, you feel his excitement. Reading his book, I lose that feeling, that passion...it doesn't sound like him at all. I miss his voice.
So here is my first attempt to find my voice again. Maybe this will sound like me.

Last week at school, I found myself overly amused by two events. Neither was anything ultr-special but both made me smile and realize that my job is a million times better than whatever it is you find to fill your day.
Story 1- I had prepared my class early in the morning I had announced to my class that we would have a school wide assembly. This brought several groans of disappointment that a new guest reader would not come to visit, and instead we had to go to the gym to listen to "talkers". As the day continued my class began interacting with the older grades...talking at lunch, playing on the playground. By the time we came in from recess my class was in an excited frenzy. What in the world could be going on? Was there a new Hannah Montana concert I wasn't aware of? One of my little boys was more than happy to fill me in.."Oh, Miss M., at 2- the whole school is going to a Pepper Alley. Not just us, but middle school tooo....I've never been to a Pepper Alley before." Now to be honest, I also have never been to a pepper alley....but in order to be a quality educator, I tried to correct the confusion. "Sweety (thats what I call kids before I fill them in on their clueless ways) sweety, its called a Pep - Rally." "Oh- sure" was the response. It didn't matter how many times I corrected my little Einsteins. At 2pm, we went to the Pepper Alley in the gym and it was amazing!!

The next tale will have to wait until I'm less tired...and more chatty.

It looks like a battery...

2007-11-25T21:35:00.000-06:00

So I'm feeling guilty for the amount of time between posts. For Thanksgiving I went to my parents in Alabama with my roomie. After driving all night, sleeping for a bit we enjoyed a nice massage and facial. Going home is the best!!
The food was fabulous, if waddling and tight pants are any indication, then I at way too much food while we were there. I experienced a first this Thanksgiving...I participated in the phsyco that is Black Friday. I alway thought those people were nuts (I still do). But Friday morning...somewhere around 2:30, my cousin Becky, my dad and I headed out to Best Buy to try and save money. It worked after waiting 3 hours in the cold, I was the new owner of an extremely discounted laptop. Its so pretty---ok maybe not pretty, but I'm very happy ;-)
Next year--2:30 in the morning...you will find me warm and in bed sleeping soundly, because I am never doing that again.
Our time in Auburn ended but before my car could make it home to Florida it needed a new battery.
We headed over to Auto Zone (a very fine establishment) where they will put the parts in for you!! I bought a battery and then a boy who didn't look like he was more than 14- but who said he was a student at Auburn- installed it in my car.
When he was almost finished he came up and kindly asked- "Would you like to look at it before I bolt it in?" I walk to the car and look-I then reply "Yes, it looks like a battery - thank you." The young lad smirks at me and says, "No, I mean would you like to start the car to make sure it works" Stupid, stupid Erin....I just thought it was a trick question.
Oh well, my trip was awesome and now I'm back in the heat...hooray
Good vacation and good to be home!!

Scheduled Breathing

2007-10-29T10:01:00.000-05:00

Ok---so I know it has truly been fo-eva-eva since my last blog. But seriously, since school started in August my life has been so busy that I have to schedule in time to take a breath. Literally its in my day planner--stop and breath.

Since my last blog an eternity ago, here's the Cliff's notes to what happened.

~School began, I discovered that my aide did way more than I realized and life is really hard without her!
~ My class is full of challenges- and very little time to recoup.
~ My friends and bible study are amazing and God has blessed me with incredible support. I am truly not worthy of the quality of people God has placed in my life.
~ Also, my car was hit by a boy on a bike. The bicycle was fine, the boy was fine...my car has a massive dent!!!

I will try to take the time to blog more regularly---but seriously the breathing comes first!

Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment to Sparkle Motion

2007-06-24T20:20:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I wonder...

2007-06-24T00:12:00.000-05:00

A couple nights ago I saw a frog leap onto the road in front of my car through the fog of my headlights...and I wondered, has everyone at one point or another played real life frogger?? I had always played the game Frogger as the frog...but now I'm the car..harsh. I don't think real frogs get three chances to start over.

Earlier today a friend of mine admitted how "cool" she feels when she gets to tend bar. I thought about how often I feel like I'm playing "grown up". I stand in front of my room full of eager faces and I think "Man, they listen to me like have a clue, boy are they clueless." I wonder when you get to the point where you stop feeling like you are playing grown up and start actually feeling like a grown up. (I'm pretty sure the fact that I still use the phrase grown-up, means I haven't achieved that level of maturity yet.)

I wonder why I always seem to want the one boy that is not interested in me, and can't handle the thought of being with the several that are crazy about me? Its like I'm Woody Allen, I don't want to join any club that would actually let me be a member. hmmmm

I think I'm going to stop wondering and head to bed. Its too late to be this introspective anyways.

Who was I kidding??

2007-05-22T09:58:00.000-05:00

To catch up from my last post....I'm so not a runner. I have developed a new found respect for my school's pastor. I love my co-teacher...and I'm super excited to return to Advent teaching 2nd grade. I'm also excited becuase this will be the first time in 3 years that I will be returning to the same school, same grade..same classroom...same BAT TIME people!!! I'm psyched. I'm now on summer vacation...loving the chance to travel and just wander over to the beach when I haven't filled my day with meeting "the girls" for lunch. Life is good.

Am I a Runner??

2007-05-16T12:57:00.000-05:00

OK, for anyone who knows me at all, this is a ridiculous question in the literal sense. I hate to run...I have often been quoted as saying "I run for no one". Even in games, I do more of a jogging scamper then an actual run, but I'm thinking a little more philosophically now.
Things are less than stellar at my school right now. Teachers are leaving in a mass exodus, and last night at our school board meeting, the senior pastor reminded people over and over that the school was a multimillion dollar business and needed to be treated and run as such.
WHAT!!! I get paid bumkis, and put in ridiculously long hours because I view my job as a ministry. Teaching at a christian school is a calling and a mission....if I wanted to work for a "business" I would go the public school route. My heart is breaking that the people with the power don't have the same vision, or beliefs. So, I stop and ask is this the place for me...and then I wonder...am I a runner? Do I ditch when things get rough?
I think I might be a runner after all......harsh......

Getting out More

2007-05-02T11:49:00.000-05:00

Every so often I get that antsy feeling that I HAVE to get out. I need to do something, see more, experience something beyond the little universe I have created for myself.
Unfortunately for me, last night, my stomach lining got that feeling too. For several hours it let me know that it too felt antsy. That it too needed to get out and experience more. Every attempt I made to provide it with some company, some water, a little Sprite or possibly saltines was met with a violent response. It didn't need my pity company, what it needed was the wide open spaces of the toilet bowl. And boy did it ever get it.
So now its tomorrow, my stomach is mostly behaving...only the slightest twinge of pain and nausea. I hope it enjoyed its night of getting out...because I guarantee that this will not be happening again anytime soon!!!

For Lisa...

2007-05-01T09:28:00.000-05:00

I know its been a month since I blogged...sorry. But nothing of any significance has happened. School is good...I am getting to the point of the year when I really love my kids, probably because I know we only have a month left.
My weekends are busy, friends, babysitting, church. I spend Sunday afternoons at the beach, usually surrounded by a group of guys that desperately want me. Ok- so they don't want me...but I am always outnumbered.

As soon as I have a truly blog worthy topic..I'll be back.

A short spring rant

2007-04-04T18:06:00.001-05:00

Today I flew home to my parents house for Easter/Spring Break. Aaaah after a 1000 mile flight north I'm finally back in the south.

Please excuse me while a take a couple of minutes to rant about things I don't like. Numero uno.... I don't like flying. After numerous "friends" insisted that I watch the first season of Lost, I now have numerous images, from multiple and incredibly realistic vantage points of graphic and horrific plane crashes. All of these images flash through my overactive mind with every little pop and groan that I hear issuing forth from the plane.
Numero dos....I don't like the word fanny. I don't like anything to do with word..and accessories that include the word= fanny pack. I personally believe that @#$% packs should be banned from the planet. There should be federal possibly international laws banning them from being produced and if I had any political savvy or gumption I would work to see those laws put into effect. As is..I will just continue my current strategy ...looking at their wearers in disgust with the occasional pointing, laughing and name calling thrown in for effect.

Ok...that is all.....I'm over it.....I've had enough traveling for this week.
But I'm so happy to be home...I wish I could move the beach here....sigh

Symbol of love or low tech fire arm....

2007-03-31T20:48:00.000-05:00

On Wednesday I had this actual conversation in my classroom. Does this ever happen to anyone else? To preface this story you need to know that my 2nd grade class made beautiful crosses out of clothespins and we were lined up at the end of the day, ready to take them home.
(I now return you to our regularly scheduled story.)

Me: Jacob, Alex, what is that in your hand?

Boys: A cross (looking perplexed...as if they didn't understand why I didn't know what a cross was.)

Me: I see..and what does that cross remind us of?

Boys: Jesus, he died on the cross for us.

Me: And why did Jesus die on the cross for us?

Boys: Because he loves us.
( Now I know you are thinking...great...good job Erin, your class is theologically sound. Whats the point?...its coming I promise.)

Me: So the cross is a symbol of Jesus love for us? So maybe we shouldn't be using them to shoot our neighbors. Ok boys?

Boys: Yes mam. (Looking very upset that I had spoiled their fun.)

Thats right...when you are a 7 years old, and a boy...you can turn absolutely anything into a weapon!

I hope your lenten season has been filled with reminders of Gods love like mine has!

Are you talking to me??

2007-03-22T13:37:00.000-05:00

So the vending machines at school have become a kind of a soda roulette wheel.
I put in my 50 cents and then I push the top Coca Cola button, waiting with baited breath. Will it be Coke? will it have caffeine? Will anything come out at all?
In the past couple of weeks the only thing it will spit out is Sprite. I've been assuming that is God's way of telling me that my ill body needs clear liquids.
Today I pushed the top Coca Cola button and I was given a Cherry Coke. I now think God thinks I need to add more fruit to my diet.

I'm hoping to someday soon push that button and have a man appear....

I wonder if God speaks to everybody through soda machines....or if I'm just special......

Hope your day is filled with God's voice!
Erin

YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!!

2007-03-14T12:00:00.000-05:00

Ok , maybe not you personally. But if you are one of the 19 germ infested angels in my class.....then this blogs for you. My runny nose, sore throat, achy sore body, fever, headache and hacking cough are all compliments to your lack of hygiene and need to share fluids. OK maybe not exactly nice, but I'm suffering and I need someone to blame. 19 someones make it all the better. If I suffer, they suffer...especially since I came to school in this state- I'm not wasting a day off on illness when I can use it for something fun!!
So in conclusion..thank you 2nd grade....you really make me sick!

Dictionary Skills

2007-03-02T12:03:00.000-06:00

I'm not exactly sure what the reason may be, but whatever it is, the students in my class have taken a shining to reading the dictionary. Now not all of them have picked up on this geeky past time...but a good majority. Anyway, this afternoon during DEAR(Drop Everything And Read) I hear a voice call out "Hey, Miss Malenke, what is jays?"
"What is what?" was my incredibly eloquent and thoughtful response.
"You know, what is jays?" the voice responds.
"I don't know.....spell it" I reply, sounding more and more like the mensa candidate you all know me to be.
This was the reply "oh, ok, j-a-z-z, jays"
"Tylore, thats jazz"
"Yeah, that makes more sense with the definition. Thanks Miss Malenke"

I don't know why the whole event tickled me. But I felt the need to share.
Have an awesome weekend!

I got a flower!!

2007-02-28T13:23:00.000-06:00

So tonight is the first night in two weeks that I am just going home. No after school meetings, no expectations, just me...an episode of Gilmore Girls, a few papers to grade and some laundry to wash.....wow just thinking about it is heaven. I think I'm getting old...and I think I'm fine with it. Home sweet home...

She's a BIG Girl!!

2007-02-13T13:35:00.000-06:00

So, I'm a little proud of myself. Since I moved to Florida I have lost a grand total of 20 pounds. It makes me happy and thats all there is to it..and today I was feeling particularly svelt...when I was very justly put in my place.

Picture if you will me, in front of the class, drawing the sun on the white board to illustrate the earth's orbit around the sun. When one of my student who has gotten into the habit of calling me "Miss Beautiful". Asks, "Hey, can I call you Miss Sunshine?" To which another pipes up "Or Little Miss Sunshine?"
All of a sudden I hear a shocked--"NO WAY--She's not little!!!!"
Thats right - I am LARGE AND IN CHARGE BABY!!

So much for my skinny day!
I love teaching!

Off Key

2007-01-11T10:30:00.000-06:00

One of my class projects is to send class "Flat Stanley's" around the country. Basically Flat Stanley was a book character that visited a friend by mailing himself. My class made their own flat child to mail to family and friends. People have been sending them back to us with pictures and souvenirs from their trips. One of my students got an amazing packet back including an official Key to the City of Jacksonville from the Mayors office.
This particular little boy was trying to be cool and nonchalant yesterday when he turns to a class mate and says...yeah, I can use this to get into Jacksonville whenever I want.

I'm so glad they stopped locking me out of Auburn years ago!

My Favorite

2007-01-08T11:03:00.000-06:00

I like to have my students journal for me daily. I will usually put up a prompt, such as favorite candy or food or something of the sort. One day last semester I asked them to tell me what their favorite bible story was, and why. Last night I read this entry and thought you might like it too!

" My favorite bible story is about Adam and Heave. It was cool cus they were first and I like to be first too."

It made me laugh!

Roots

2006-12-26T19:07:00.000-06:00

I've always believed that we are products of our environments. This idea was driven home hardcore on Christmas day. Throughout college I was often teased by my 'friends' about how long it took me to leave my room. That inner drive to make sure my coat, shoes, purse and accessories were all in harmony often caused me to take more time getting ready than my companions. It was a constant source of resentment and angst between us. I was frustrated of their lack of understanding and they were frustrated with the 20 minute wait before we could go anywhere.
Christmas day helped me realize that my inner voice has an outer personification. My sister and I were getting ready for our Christmas company when Chicken innocently asks my mom if we are suppose to use the brand new table cloth she bought especially for Christmas, or the other green one we had been using. She istructs us that the new table cloth is an olive green that doesn't match the Christmas cookies she decorated and so obviously the original green is the one we'll use. Next year she'll bake cookies with an olive c0lored undertone. Is it any wonder that even my emotional baggage is color coordinating. Yes its true...I am my mother's daughter...she is obviously the voice in my head..
It made me laugh....hope it makes you smile too!

Catching up

2006-12-19T08:40:00.000-06:00

So I can't believe its December! I can't believe I've let so many months pass between blogs. But as time passed life got busier and busier and I didn't know where to begin. So here's the catch-up. Since September....I have found a new place to live, my mom came to visit. My car waranty ended...stupid 60,000 miles. I have gotten so busy with youth group I rarely have a life. If I had blogged the titles would have included....I'M MOVING.
I'M STILL MOVING, Why I'm never having children...Massacre at the Manger, ..Use your blinker stupid New York Driver.... Go back up north or Lay off your horn (your not in Jersey anymore)....and I live in a soap opera.

If you desire to hear any of these stories...you just need to call me....because seriously....I don't have time to write them all down. Hopefully now I can just keep up...and catch up blogs will be a thing of the past.

P. S.

2006-09-25T21:10:00.000-05:00

I wouldn't mind a lot of scenes revolving around Logan. Ok...thank you. Amen.

Dear God,

2006-09-25T21:01:00.000-05:00

I need to talk to you about something very important in my life. Tomorrow begins the 7th and final season of Gilmore Girls. I need this season not to suck. In the last few years I have come to depend on Tuesday nights to perk me up...make me smile with memories of the night before on that very long Wednesday that follows. Now I know that this season will be different with new writers and new producers. But I need to know the new people on board won't make Gilmore Girls jump the shark. I need to know that this season will be filled with the witty banter and pop culture references that I have become accustomed to. I know this is possible because I saw Grey's last week and it completely met all expectations. So in conclusion I will thank you in advance for a wonderful season. Because I know you won't let me down!

Its a Jungle Out There

2006-09-23T20:23:00.000-05:00

If you have never visited south Florida, the extent of the wildlife could come as a shock. After living here for almost two months I am begining to feel like Snow White with the animals singing and flitting around her. When I step out the door in the morning I am greeted by the two tree frogs that live on the window. Rosy and Al (the albino tree frog) are happy to poke thier heads up to see who is coming out the door. As my heels click on the stone dozens of tiny lizards go scattering in every direction. Just as I am about to reach my car a 9 inch land crab scuttles accross the path. Apparently my morning leaving lets him know its time to move from the fern to the potted plant to spend his day. As I drive through the neighborhood I pass the ponds with the herons and finally as I go through the gaurd gate I can see raccoon eyes watching from the shrubs. Living in south Florida is the next best thing to living in the zoo, which was my 8 year old ambition. I guess dreams really do come true!

Homeless, again

2006-09-14T19:47:00.000-05:00

Ok, so no hurricanes thus far. But still I find myself in a homeless predicament. I made the decision to move out for my own safety. And now I'm moving from place to place. I have a storage unit for my furniture and a room at a friends house. So for those who are interested...I'm not dead....at least not yet anyhow.

Come to Jesus (part I)

2006-09-05T11:23:00.000-05:00

So this weekend I had resigned myself to staying in my apartment. I can keep my door closed to avoid Lucifer and I had decided to have a come to Jesus about inviting Dahmer over. So no prob...we are set. I talked to Einstien last night about how I wasn't totally comfortable with her giving out our address to men she met on the internet. And in a very nice/joking smiley way let her know how I felt. She agreed that it may not be the smartest thing to do...and that next time she would definitely have a public meeting first. Phew....crisis averted. I can now live safely in my home..........
....yeah right! You didn't think my life could honestly go that smoothly.
Here comes midnight...when Einstien thinks I am asleep....and who comes waltzing through our door...but Dahmer himself. Now I didn't see him come in...because I was almost asleep until the door slammed. But I did hear a male voice in her bedroom from 12-1 in the morning. So her whole "I'm not an idiot, I won't do it again" speech was all lies.

I am now frantically working out a new place to live...and praying that in the mean time Dahmer won't decide to live up to his name. I suppose I will have to initiate another come to Jesus tonight.....grrrrrrr...... I'll let you know how that turns out tomorrow...supposing I'm not dead.

If the hurricane doesn't kill me......

2006-08-28T11:14:00.000-05:00

So...as many of you know...I have a new roommate. We'll call her Einstein. Early in my move in process, I asked the innocent question.."Aw...what kind of dog do you have?" To which she replied..."I don't know...a mixed mutt." Alrighty..then.....move on to living together for about a week...when she admits the dog...we'll call him "Lucifer", is a mix of pit bull and boxer. I'm not completely thrilled about this fact since I have seen at least three Datelines about when pit bulls attack. But I let it go because supposedly mixes are a little better. Fast forward to last night when I learn that "Lucifer" is actually 100% pit bull...and "Einstein" has known from the begining but lied becuase sometimes the term pit bull freaks people out. Yeah well....I'M FREAKING!!
This was only step one into my joy though.....because then I learn that "Einstein" has been talking to a guy online. No big deal...lots of people meet online...not my deal, but to each thier own. Now here is where the problem starts. "Einstein" has never met, we'll call him "Dahmer" in person. They have only chatted online and on the phone. So naturally it would be a good idea to invite "Dahmer" over to our house for a movie.....because giving a complete stranger our address is an amazing idea!!!! So once again, I'M FREAKING!!!! (He ddn't come over...Einstien got sick...but the principle of the thing remains the same. I don't want to be raped and killed by your new online boyfriend. Period...and since he hasn't seen you, he has no way of not mistaking us...and raping and killing the wrong idiot.)

Alright, my rant is done. Does anyone have a place I can move into? Preferably before "Dahmer" shows up.

Needless to say I didn't sleep well last night

So what's your superpower??

2006-08-28T11:11:00.000-05:00

So...in case you weren't sure about my hurricane magnetism...let me assure you it is alive and well. On Saturday they were projecting that tropical storm Ernesto would be heading straight for the gulf...New Orleans, Biloxi...etc. But after Ernesto learned that I had moved from New Orleans to South Florida, naturally he changed paths and is headed directly over the state of Florida. My magnetism is alive and well...and unlike last year at this time...when I was running to my parents house...in Florida..they just stay put. My time may be coming to an end much sooner than anticipated. I don't know how many more hurricanes I can take.
As far as gifts or super powers...this was is kind of a bummer....

I love post-its!!!

2006-08-23T10:49:00.000-05:00

The wide variety of uses and the amount of information they can convey blows my mind. Thank you mister inventor of the post-it. You have changed my life for the better.

Ho do you pronounce it???

2006-08-22T11:31:00.000-05:00

So, today marks our fifth day of school. An entire week complete, and the realization that this class already knows me too well has sunk in. To get my students in ability focused reading groups (aka....fast/slow groups) I have to do an individual reading assessment of each student. They come and read a word list to me until it is so painful for both of us that I tell them they did and excellent job and they may stop. After 19 of these I was ready to stab myself or someone close to me with a pencil..but thats another story completely. Anyway, its not that surprising that a commonly mis-read word is the word "how". More often than not it is read "ho" with that long O. So the mispronunciation was not a surprise to me...what did make me stop was how accusatory my students sounded as they said "ho". It took a great deal of restraint for me not to respond with "Am not!" So now I sit here wondering if that reaction is normal...or if maybe I have some issues that I should deal with. Nah....my new students are just mean and that is all there is to it. But don't worry, I'll get them in line in no time!

Descriptive words...

2006-06-29T22:57:00.000-05:00

If you know me, you know that I'm kind of a wuss. Lots of things make me nervous and jumpy. I have a fear of anything with more than 4 legs. I don't like scary movies and this year at Good Friday service, when they slammed the book in the dark...I let out a squeek in surprise. With my very long list of things that freak me out...I admit that I'm a bit of a scaredy cat.

But today, something amazing happened. Someone, who's opinion I very much respect, said I was brave. I won't go into the who or why, but without any sarcasm, and with knowing a great deal about who I am and what my life has been.

They said I was brave. and it was nice.

Its raining what???

2006-05-03T02:13:00.000-05:00

So if I'm honest I'll admit that I haven't had the greatest week. If you want the whole truth, this entire year has been less than stellar. But tonight I realized just how much crap I put up with on a daily basis. I'm sure you are familiar with the song "Its Raining Men". If you aren't familiar with that song then you should spend less time on the computer and more time getting out and interacting with real people. Anyway, tonight I was reminded of that song, when I was sitting at the computer, minding my own business, when I see something out of the corner of my eye fall from the ceiling and hit the floor. What could it be? Could it be possible that all of my wildest dreams have come true? Could it actually be raining men in my own home? NOT LIKELY. No of course not...this is MY life after all. A gianormous cockroach begins to run across the kitchen floor. That’s right, if I were a 70's disco diva it could be raining men...but because this is my life and my home..it has started raining cockroaches. So typical...

I am a racial profiler...

2006-04-20T15:22:00.000-05:00

So I'm unemployed..and really fine with that. Which is awkward, but anyway, but I now have all this time to look at myself. And today I've decided this is what I don't like.
On Tuesday, when I was flying home from a very fun Easter in New York, I almost had a heart attack in my seat. Not because anyone did anything particularly scary, but because I am a racist. Right as we begin to take off, our front tires have left the ground and the back is about to let go...the Arabic gentleman( I'm not sure which country or nationality becuase I'm an ugly American) behind me begins to sing. Because I am an ugly American that does not speak any arabic language, I am pretty sure he is singing his final prayers before he becomes a martyr for his cause. (We are flying out of New York after all)....But no...I am still alive. It turns out the passenger next to him was a little weirded out as well and so the arabic gentleman explained that he is a nervous flyer and singing calms his nerves.
While I am glad he has found a way to calm his fear of flying...I almost wet myself. Singing shouldn't be scary. Singing in another language shouldn't be scary. I really need to work on not putting people into boxes just because I have a little mind and an over active imagination.

So to the man sitting behind me on the 7:00 Airtran flight out of LaGuardia...it was a very nice song, and I'm sorry I didn't appreciate it more at the time.

Its Official!!!!

2006-04-02T23:33:00.000-05:00

For two weeks I have contemplating quiting my job. My new boss is psycho and OCD ( a winning combination in any horror movie) and I just can't take it any more. After spending two lunch hours in tears to clear my mind enough to go back and spend another 4 hours with that woman, I have decided its not worth it. Yes, I'll admit it...I'm a quitter. And first thing tomorrow morning I really will be. I will be handing in my very first letter of resignation...and after two weeks I will once again join the growing number of unemployed.
Unemployed twice in one year? How does she do it?
Well..its actually a bit easier than you might think...and now that we have cable, finding ways to fill my days before I find new employment won't be too bad either.

Worth the Wait?

2006-03-22T11:56:00.000-06:00

Is it worth the wait? I'm just not convinced. So as many of you know...I'm amazing at basketball. I didn't know I was...but last weekend I learned. Wow am I good. But.....now I'm getting frustrated.
Last weekend every time I checked in there were new standings and scores and ranks and I was pumped. But now several days have past since a basketball game. And I think I am losing interest.
I thought that college basketball finals would be a week of basketball orgy. One game after another wham, bam,...you know the drill. But as a friend recently informed me..college basketball players are delicate, (and in my opinion pathetic) so they need to recuperate from the intense play the weekend before.
The problem is I'm not sure I'll care by tomorrow. The momentum is lost, my attention is dwindling....and college basketball is off of my radar once again.

Oh well....maybe I'll try again next year.
After all...I am really good at it!!!

I am so good at basketball!!!

2006-03-19T17:25:00.000-06:00

Ok, now that you have gotten over your convulsive laughter from the title. Yes I know I am athletically challenged, and if you were to say, give me a basketball. I probably would not really know what to do with it. But beyond that, I am really good at this basketball thing. I now I will tell you why.
Since I have joined facebook, I have been introduced to a whole new world. One of the new exciting things in my world was joining a basketball pool (Thank you Ben Walther). Now this was a bit scary at first because I really don't know anything about college basketball or basketball in general. But I decided to go about this the same way I go about everything, choosing based on color and cuteness factor.
So I sat down with my bracket, looked at each team on the web, judging was based on the team colors and the cuteness of the mascot. Who evers mascot was cuter and I liked the colors, they obviously would win the game. (I'm no sports psychologist, but I'm pretty sure that if the other teams costumes and mascot were cuter than mine, I would feel pretty insecure and thus not play to my full potential...and as you can see...lose).

Now you can mock my method if you want. But, in my pool of 22 friends, I'm ranked 2nd and in the CUW pool, I'm 12. Not too shabby for someone who has no clue....but excellent taste in mascots!

So in conclusion...
I am SO good at basketball!

Shades of Grey

2006-02-14T11:11:00.000-06:00

Ok, I'd like to start by saying that I don't normally blog about TV shows. Probably because I don't want to admit to how invested I get to a box. But Sundays episode of Greys Anatomy blew my mind. What initially got me sucked into the show was the fact that after what seemed like an intense emotional roller coaster, and this episode was obviously over...I would look at the clock to find that while I had already gone through my full hour long drama range of emotions, I still had 15-20 minutes left of show. How could they pack so much into 1 hour? Well lately that hasn't been the case. The hour was up and I was left hanging...wasn't there more? Where was the depth, the roller coaster I had become accustomed to? Had the writers peaked?
Sunday night my faith was restored. An entire hour of twists and turns...who knew the bomb would explode? And especially since I was sure the bomb squad guy would be Greys new love interest.
Wow, I think this post proves my long running belief that I am very lame and need to get a life. But if you are like me...lame in serious need of a life...check out Greys on Sunday night, you won't regret it.

Did you hear that?

2006-02-09T11:21:00.000-06:00

When I was in college there were times that I would say something to a friend and then get frustrated that they ignored me and didn't answer. When in actuality, I had said it in my head, not out loud. There were even times when someone wouldn't respond that I would ask someone else near me if they heard me say something, just to make sure I had said it out loud and not in my head.
Today I had one of those flashbacks, where I am positive I spoke out loud. That I said "Good morning Ms. (according to HIPAA I can't reveal this persons identity). How are you doing this morning?". And I am met with silence...nothing. So I try again..."How is your day going so far? Ms. (you fill in the blank)." Again nothing...a stony silence. And what makes it worse is that there was no one else around for me to ask if they heard me. What if I have reverted back to thinking I have said something and actually its all in my head?
This could ruin me as a teacher...thinking I have taught lessons and the students never heard a word of my amazing lesson going on in my head.

This is not good, not good at all.

Bird interrupted....

2006-02-03T08:38:00.000-06:00

I know its been forever...but lets put that behind us, and let me tell you about my Saturday afternoon.
So Saturday is my first day to sleep-in in months. After an amazingly lazy morning, I rolled myself down the stair onto the couch to watch the entire 5th season of Gilmore Girls. I'm laying on the couch enjoying the girls when I hear something. Something I haven't heard in ages...something I thought I may never hear again. Birds chirping...lots of birds, with lots of different chirps, all right outside my window. Then it hits me.
Its spring...I jump up...run outside where it is warm enough to no longer need shoes with roofs...that right sandal time is here because its spring. It hadn't yet occurred to me that it was still January.
I grab my phone to call a friend and make them listen to the birds in my backyard so that they can know its spring too...and I see something rather upsetting.

There right in my backyard on the first day of spring is a poor helpless bird flopping on the ground looking terribly pitiful, while another bigger bird jumps on top of the helpless bird. Then the big bird flies up into the air only to return to torment my new helpless friend.

Well, I know I can't allow bullying on the first day of spring in my own backyard so I begin to walk towards the birds to stop the insanity. When I get about 4 feet away they both look up at me in a look of horror and then fly off together in a circle pattern and I realize with horror what I have just done.

I interupted bird sex!!!
I am a bird sex cock blocker!

Not only that, but after I broke up the party...all of the other birds left my backyard. The word is out...if you are a bird and want to get it on...avoid my backyard. It makes me sad, because I miss the birds.

This one's for Pete!!

2005-11-06T22:23:00.000-06:00

Ok, I know it has been forever since my last blog....but I knew that if I got started, I would never stop. In the last month I have turned old, taken an amazing trip to New York and I have gotten a new job. Had I taken the time to go into detail into any of those...you would have had an entire novel to read, and I would have gotten carpal tunnel. Instead I am going to share this evenings events.

Tonight Lauren was looking online and read a story about a recent pirate attacks. Now many of us believe pirates to be a thing of the past or a Johny Depp movie, but actually if you are a thief with a boat...you are a pirate. So I suggested to Lauren that we aught to take a cruise. She said no way, but I reminded her that bad things can happen where ever.
We even had terrorist plots right in Auburn....like the finding of anthrax in toilet paper rolls at Toomer's corner (this obviously never happened, but it sounded good).
Of course my very astute sister replies with "Yeah right, we don't even have Amtrak in Auburn"
Thats right...my brilliant sister thought they were finding passenger trains in rolls of toilet paper.
Thats ok...anthrax...amtrak....I find both very scary!

So there pete...i blogged!

Have you seen my home?

2005-09-30T12:05:00.000-05:00

I have realized in the last couple of days that home is an elusive and confusing idea. What is a home? And more importantly....where is my home. When I was in college I went through the whole two places feeling like home bit. When I went back to Alabama...that felt like home, but when I went up to Wisconsin, that felt like home. The longer I have been away from my parents house the less it feels like "HOME" in that this is where I permanently belong sense...but for a couple of days I always feel content and happy in my familiar growing up surroundings.
On Wednesday when I went up to Milwaukee and revisited Hales Corners I had that same sense of coming home. It was familiar and comfortable. I knew the people and felt a sense of belonging...but that's not really home either.
When I am around certain people I feel like I have come home, but their locations keep changing...
according to the US postal service my home is still New Orleans, but after this afternoon my apartment will be empty and my stuff will be back in Alabama..
so I continue to wonder
........where is my home?

From Porn to Priests

2005-09-27T09:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had one of those afternoons that while it is happening you stop yourself and ask "wait, is my life a movie?".
It began like many of my days of late...I slept in...cleaned-up, talked on the phone and in general organized my life. Gretchen came home from school early and was putting new strings on her violin when the fun began. I was getting ready to go out so that we could go and visit this little art/gift shop around the corner from her house. I come into the living room to ask Gretchen a question when we hear a loud "Oh....yes!!!" From the apartment below. Gretchen and I look at each other in shock. Could that sound be what we immediately believe it is......the screams continue with a bit more graphic language and we realize yes its true. Gretchens downstairs neighbors were engaged in a little bit of Monday afternoon sex. And while I can't think of a better way to spend a Monday afternoon.....listening in was not our idea of fun...so we headed out to check out the art shop that I wanted to see.

At first inspection this was like any othere art/gift shopt....but to our surprise the gift shop lady starts talking about holy art. Next thing we know we are being ushered back into a smaller hallway into the awaiting hands of Father Vincent. As I soon learn, Father Vincent is in charge of some kind of Holy Art society that was named after his brother a famous artist for the Vatican. This particular society even has in thier posession a reliquiry that contains a piece of the actual cross of Jesus completel with a certificate of authenticity. By this point Gretchen is freaked beyond all belief and no longer will make eye contact with me or Father Vincent.
Next our tour guide takes us out to another room to show us a picture of himself with the Pope, giving the Pope a copy of the book he wrote about his famous brothers artwork. "The Pope was very pleased with such a nice book", said Father Vincent. "Huh....a pope.....cool" was my eloquent reply. During this conversation Gretchen had escaped into yet another room filled with "Holy Art". Father Vincent and I follow with him pointing out almost every painting and telling me its Catholic history as well as the artists who created it, life story.
By the time Gretchen and I finally escaped after 6 rooms of catholic holy art and a reliquiry as well as a great deal of literature on the art organization as well as lectures that we should attend, I thought Gretchen was going to kill me.

I don't think I have ever experience such opposite experiences in a 45 minute period, separated by a one block span. I think next time Gretchen and I should invite Father Vincent to her apartment for some artistic interpretation listening!

If Its Not Illegal It Should Be

2005-09-07T23:21:00.000-05:00

I need to begin by admitting to being pathetic and caring what others think of what I write. I love comments. My heart quickens every time I visit my blog and discover that someone has had a comment on something I have said. Its terribly sad, but its true. I love it!
So you can imagine my excitement when I come to my blog...see that my latest post has not one but two comments. More than one person love me hooray!!!!
But wait....these are not comments from my friends. These aren't even comments from real people. Its spam. Spam in the comments section of my very own personal forum. I felt so violated. What about my post on my school being under water makes you think that I would be interested in penile enlargement?
We need to put a stop to this outrage now. Somebody needs to end the spamming on blog comments. And that is all I have to say about that.
The end.

A New Perspective

2005-09-05T23:35:00.000-05:00

This last week has thrown me into a time of self reflection. I have been given an opportunity to view things in a whole new light.
This is a view I wasn't expecting. This is a shot of my school taken in the last week. We are not sure when this was taken or whether the water got higher than this photo shows.

The large white roof in the center is our gym. To the right of that you can see our school. Right of that on the corner is our church. As you can see the school is surrounded by quite a bit of water, but we were optimistic about the fact that there doesn't appear to be roof damage. There is always an upside and more than that God is always faithful. I know He will bring good out of the destruction.

Shallow Like a Kiddie Pool

2005-09-01T15:21:00.000-05:00

Over the last couple of days I have been given an opportunity to reflect and see the absolute lameness of about 90% of my thoughts. Of course yesterday was no exception.

Tomorrow my father and some other volunteers are heading down to Biloxi to help my cousin's husband work on rebuilding their home. Within the next couple of weeks I too will be traveling with building supplies to help rebuild a city. So naturally after thinking about all of the things I may need to do to help out my next thought goes to truly important matters....what will I wear? Shallow and lame I know..but its how my mind works. Ah ha I think...I can wear my new shirt from Oregon (dramatic pause) oh wait...its gone. And then I get hit with a pathetic sense of loss...over what? A cheap long sleeve t-shirt from a suvenier shop in Oregon. Talk about your materialistic freaks...its just a t-shirt and it made me sad.

Someday I hope to be evolved enough that I care about the truly important things and not the materialistic crap I surrounded myself with. Keep me in your prayers

On the other hand, I am in a warm home with power and water, surrounded by people that love me and hounded by a phone that never stops ringing. My life is very great right now. The only thing that could make it better would be some little strappy sandals....

evolving is hard work....give me time :-)

Reality Check

2005-08-31T13:51:00.000-05:00

In the last couple of days my life has been shaken. Katrina has devastated the city I now call home in ways that I could never have imagined. When I left on Saturday, packing enough for a weekend at home I had no idea...no way of comprehending how different this week would be.
Here are a few of my thoughts in the last day or two.

Last Thursday I looked into my walk-in closet frustrated by the fact that I had "nothing" to wear to teach in. As I looked into my closet it was obvious to me that my wardrobe was seriously lacking. Today as I look into my closet and have literally nothing to teach in...I see how materialistic I have become. How important the accumulation of stuff had become to me....and how little it means when you have your life and your family to be grateful for.

Last week I was exhausted as the end of our second full week of school was coming to an end. I told one of my coworkers that I knew it was only the second week of school, but I couldn't wait for a break. Now I have that break.....Indefinitely, and I would give anything to know that each one of those 15 second graders and their families are safe.

Its amazing and powerful how quickly life and reality can change. I am so thankful for my friends and family who have been there for my late night calls and my grief over what just amounts to stuff. Please keep my students, coworkers and their families in your prayers.

Evacuation Plans

2005-08-28T20:37:00.000-05:00

I know it has been forever since my last post. The long and the short of it is that I love my new school.....Great class of 15 second graders. Great city and wonderful coworkers. Nice apartment with great false sense of security. Two full weeks of school down and only one angry parent to show for it. Things are going great.....and then.....
Bam....hurricane!
Not just any hurricane but the mother of all hurricanes...Guaranteed to make my new home a swamp with lots of snakes....Once the water eventually recedes. So what do I do in the face of such danger? Run like a little girl of course. I am home with mom and dad waiting for the green light to head back to my new home.
Who knows.....Maybe a week or two off of school won't completely throw my kids off.....Yeah fat chance.
Oh well....I will let you know more...when I know more.
later

Sorry sorry sorry

2005-07-30T01:00:00.000-05:00

I am just about to end my vacation and begin my move and my new job. I really want to tell you all about the amazing and humorous things that I have experienced. But I am exhausted and there just isn't enough time. To short hand it would be worse than not sharing at all. So instead I will promise to call each of you and share the highs and lows on my drive from my parents to the NO on Sunday.
Can't wait to talk to you!

Adventures of a "Real" Athlete

2005-07-19T01:36:00.000-05:00

My Time in LA

I have to begin this entry by letting everyone know that my best friend Emily and her husband Phillip are some of the most quality people I know. This is made even better by the fact that they know more quality people. This fact has made my time with them 'freekin' awesome.

The night I arrived Em and Phil and I went back to their very cute apartment and we were quickly joined by their friends Joel and Grace (cute newlyweds) and Shane (funniest guy ever). We began by looking at wedding pictures making small talk and going out to dinner. After returning home we played poker ( a game I don't truly understand, but win with some regularity). This is when the carnage begins. We go over to the college for a game of softball. Anyone who knows me knows that sports come hard for me, since they often require some kind of running and more often than not..some semblence of hand eye coordination. But being a good sport I attempt to try and play a little. They quickly discover that i am absolutely hopeless and out of pity they make me all time pitcher.
Sounds like a good plan until my lifelong friend and confidant comes up to bat. At this time I become target for 80% of the wiffle balls she hits. Not just little taps but pounding....wiffle indent leaving marks on my arms and stomach. Now almost five days later I am still sporting my marks of love from my oldest and dearest friend. And you thought your relationships were disfunctional.

A New Day... a new injury
The next day was looking out to be much more uneventful.....Em, Phil and I hung out during the day with plans to meet up with Shane again and go to a Deliriuos? concert. The concert was wonderful and lots of fun, but it was getting cold so we decided to head to get dinner. We had some wonderful chinese and went home to make plans for our next activity. Little did I know what geeks we were headed out to be. As it would happen, Emily and Phil have both read all of the Harry Potter books....not only that but Phil was anxiously awaiting the next book in the series. Lucky us, the book was coming out Friday night at midnight and local books stores were having Harry Potter Parties to celebrate...Em and Phil were familiar with the books and characters....Shane and I were not....but off we head to the Book party. Being a planner, Emily found each of us 'magic wands" (they may or may not have been sticks out of a Pier 1 placemat)
Anyway, we have our wands and off we head. As we walk in the door we are handed our very own authentic plastic Harry Potter glasses (the best suvenier of the whole trip!!!) Which naturally we each wear for the remainder of the evening. We then continue to do every free activity that this store has to offer...we had our picture taken with Harry...decorated our picture frame and recieved stickers from the naming hat. I am griffendor...if that means something to you. Anyway the whole everning was a blast. To make the evening even more fun Shane (who had not read a single book or seen a movie) kept waving his wand at people and saying nonsense words and made-up spells. This confused the other Harry Potter fans and they kept apologizing to Shane becuase it had been a long time since they had read the last book and they couldn't remember what his spell meant.....he would then accept thier apology and make up what the "spell" meant. Once we left the book party Shane continued to put spells on people out the window of his truck while explaining with a stutter that he in fact was "Harry, Harry Potter, I'm Harry Potter." Who knew Harry Potter could be so much fun?

Next time I will tell you about my trip to Hollywood with the giant albino from Jersey and the volleyball injuries.
Later dude (people here say that all the time!)

Trauma in the Sky

2005-07-18T14:35:00.000-05:00

As many of you may or may not know, I am on vacation. I am on an incredibly awesome vacation in which I get to see amazing people on the west coast. There are so many fun stories to share, but the most important is the high drama that happened on my flight accross the country.
My morning began normally, race to finish packing, race to the airport.....get hit on in security line by random foreign guy that can't figure out why he gets singled out for the pat down every time he flies....normal check in and flight. No big deal.
My first leg of the journey was from Atlanta to Dallas...I have to admit I was so exhausted from the night before that I fell asleep during the seat belt speach and did not wake up until the male flight attendant woke me up to let me know we were about to land. He made sure to let me know that they could barely hear my snoring over the roar of the jet engines, and that it was really the drool running down my face that amused my fellow passengers. If I had been more awake...I might have laughed.

I then had a couple hour lay over in Dallas. This was ok becuase it gave me a chance to call home and eat a very healthy lunch of two Auntie Anne's pretzels.

My flight from Dallas to LA is when the real excitement and drama ensued. The flight began normally ...no turbulance, a little jabbering from the pilot...the usual. Now to continue I hate airplane bathrooms...not just a little ....but so much that I plan my potty stops to before and after and I will sit in agony just to avoid an airplane bathroom. But before I left Dallas I had Starbucks...and then on the plane I drank an entire Coke. I thought the flight was two hours...but it turns out my time change math sucks and it was a three hour flight. I knew there was no way I could hold out until we landed...so I ventured back...past the really pretty lady that looked way to money to be flying coach...past the gruff male flight attendant....past the entire guys athletic team that took up the entire rear of the plane....just to wait to pee.
Finally, it was my turn, everything went fine, and I was finally able to head back to my seat. I open the door to discover a traffic jam and bells and whistles going off everywhere.

Just my luck to end up at the back of the plane in the bathroom when we are going down. But actually no....a man had collapsed in the aisle ten rows up from the bathroom. Fortunately there was a doctor on the flight as well as oxygen and water. But I was trapped at the back of the plane for twenty minutes with a dad and his son, a bible salesman and the athletic team guys that woke up all of their teammates to make sure they didn't miss out on an opportunity to stare at a random guy on a plane. Also...the woman that was way too money to be in coach actually ended up being the air marshall on our flight. Who knew they could wear such cute shoes. I will try and post a picture...I really want to be an air marshall if it means I get to dress like that.

That was my drama for the flight...I have gotten to do so many fun things and have met so many cool people, but that will just have to wait for next time.
Keep reading..I know you will want to hear about all of the abuse I have taken and the Harry Potter party I went to. Until later.

Getting Over my God Complex

2005-07-12T16:09:00.000-05:00

Do you ever have one of those days that you wish that you were God? Not in the controller of the universe, maker of everything kind of way...but in the I wish I knew what tomorrow would bring kind of way.
Today is one of those days. I have an interview tonight for a job and I wish I knew what God has in store for me.
Often times there is a peace in knowing that God is in control and I can let it go and depend on Him. Today is one of those times when my controlling nature comes to the front and my powerlessness is driving me batty.

Please keep me in your prayers as I fight for control of my life. (I would put my money on God.)

My So Called Friends

2005-07-05T22:11:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I have an overactive imagination. Not your average creative imagination....my imagination runs wild with all of the terrible and horrific things that could happen when I am not paying attention. This is scarier still when I think of all of the times I am not paying attention when I should be (i.e. important tests, job interviews, anytime I am driving). You get the idea.
Anyway...my imagination is always working overtime and my friends know it. This is the point where I become baffled...everyone knows I am imagining the worst and yet they continue to plague me with additional comments on all of the other things that come along with cockroaches. Not only that, but some skip the whole blog comment thing and go straight to my cell phone.
I know that it is lucky that I was awake and the cockroach did not climb all over me and my room....but I have to continue to attempt to sleep in that room. Between the insects and mass murders sleep is a rare gem, and I don't need your comments and reminders to make that sleep rarer still.

On a happy note...I have a phone interview some time this week. Please pray for me.....a job would make this whole year much cooler.

Uninvited Guest

2005-07-01T15:59:00.000-05:00

Now, as a single girl I need to be careful about about who I invite into my bedroom. I need to be even more choosy about who I allow into my bed. Last night I was not given a choice in either decision. I was laying in bed, reading a book when I hear a rustling sound and a shadow passes in front of my reading light. I look up to see a gianormous cockroach climbing up my headboard. Naturally I do what anyone in my position might do... I screamed like a little girl while hurling myself out of bed to the opposite side of the room.

Now what?

It was almost 2 in the morning and I was the only one awake. Not to mention my cousin and her very adorable little baby girl were asleep in the room next door. So now I have two problems. I have to get rid of my unwanted visitor and be quiet about it too.
I began by taking the largest book in my room ( a two inch thick medical book...don't ask) and trying to knock my guest onto the floor to squish it.....I knock it down, it proceeds to spasm and disappear under my bed.

Now what?

I can't find the intruder, but I can't go to sleep because I know as soon as I close my eyes this behemoth cockroach will climb up my headboard again and walk across my face. So, I go back to reading...always ready with the medical book close by. So twenty minutes pass and my guest is climbing up the same spot on my headboard again. I squeal, this time much more quietly and knock the roach to the floor. He disappears from sight, and I know it will be a long night.
I read some more and see something out of the corner of my eye. The little bugger is trying to make a break for the bathroom and I am ready. I begin attacking the roach with my book, but everytime I do this it sinks into the carpet and when I lift the book this pest runs towards me making me scream again and jump back in panic. After four or five attempts at squish and run, my uninvited guest makes his fatal mistake. He runs underneath a suitcase....I step on the suitcase...flattening the intruder and insuring a good nights sleep.

....until I lay in bed thinking about the fact that his family and friends are probably on their way to claim the body and exact revenge...

will I ever sleep again?

SoCo

2005-06-30T23:01:00.000-05:00

I know it has been forever since my last blog, so for that I apologize. I am back home in Alabama and I realize again that I love the south. It kicks butt and no matter what my yankee friends may say I live in a rockin place.
I am now in the process of living the life of the idle unemployed. I am awakened at 6am to go walking with my mother. This is followed an hour later by 45 minutes of giant workout ball work out video. I then eat breakfast and often fall asleep for another hour.
After my workout and workout nap I sometimes shower, sometimes not...and then....this is where my day gets very exciting...... I go on errands. This could be Walmart, Kroger, drug store....someplace chic and glamorous. I then come home, help with dinner, watch TV with my sister and cousin.....and then read myself to a panic. Once I am positively freaked and know that the rapist and or sniper from the story I have just read is waiting outside my bedroom door, I then attempt to go to sleep. Naturally this takes forever and I wake up the next morning exhausted. Maybe someday I will have something important to do........or not.

Y Not?

2005-05-12T10:43:00.000-05:00

Picture, if you will, a kindergarten class sitting in a circle marveling over the wonders of the letter Yy. Learning and reveling in the ya-ya sound it makes and the funny shape. It is now time to go around the circle and say words that begin with that wonderful Ya sound. Here they come.
"Yellow"
"Yarn"
"Yacht"
"Yo-yo"
and then the answer I never saw coming. Now I see how obvious it is...but at the time...it threw me.
" Y0 mama"
"What was that Dawson?"
"Yo mama..Miss Malenke, yo mama starts with Yy."

I love my job!!!!

Don't Worry, I found it!

2005-05-12T08:37:00.000-05:00

So I must begin with calling Lisa out on her "problem". Sure at first face licking is kind of funny....a little quirky....no big deal. But when it leads to communicable diseases that cause my Kindergarten class to make fun of my "scary, scratchy" voice it has gone too far. So let it be known Lisa Griffin "The face licking has got to stop and I mean now!!"

That being said on to the story of the day. So I come in to school today with my voice seriously distorted. I would like to think that it is a new kind of sexy smoky voice like Lauren Bacall. But unfortunately as Lisa pointed out to me last night, it is more of a pack a day smokers voice. So I come in to school and my students (who have no fear of offending me) let me know that my voice is strange and that I am scaring them. I try and reassure my class that its just because I am a little sick. This freaks them out more because they have gotten the "Don't come to school if you are sick, Miss Malenke does not want your gross germs in our classroom" talk.
I then let them know that it is not contagious (which is probably a lie because I think Lisa gave it to me, but whatev) and that I am just losing my voice like our Pastor had earlier in the week.
This is followed by one of my students informing me that he had once lost his voice. "Oh really?" I asked.
To which he responded, "Yeah but it was ok....I found it later under my bed."

I wonder if that's where my voice is going too. I'll have to look there first thing when I get home!

Hangover Math

2005-05-11T08:56:00.000-05:00

Have you ever thought to yourself "No, I can't do that because I will regret it tomorrow." Then you do whatever it is you shouldn't because its obviously more fun than anything else you could be doing. And then inevitably the next day you say to yourself "I can't believe I did that, I knew I would feel like this".

That is the kind of morning I am having. I had this hypothesis
Teaching + Hangover = Suckage

After some research last night that has bled over into this morning I have learned that my hypothesis was incorrect. The accurate equation is
Teaching + Hangover = Personal Hell

Lesson learned. With less than three weeks left, my goal is to get enough sleep and not drink on a school night again. We'll see how that goes.

Ouch!

2005-05-05T12:03:00.000-05:00

This was sent to my email titled "A wish for all the difficult people in your life" I don't know if I could wish this on anyone. Ow. On the other hand......

Have you seen my mean face?

2005-04-29T16:35:00.000-05:00

Two days ago one of my students was especially naughty. Not just a little disruptive, but in your face...terrible. Two other teachers had to talk to him about his behavior. So naturally when I got him back to my classroom without other adult witnesses, I had to ream him out.... I let the other kids go to their centers and then I sit this student down to let him have it. I am ten minutes into, what I think is a very scary and intimidating talk about behavior, when this little spawn of satan looks up at me and says " Miss Malenke are you almost done? I really want to go to a center now."

So now it appears that I am not even intimidating to 6 year olds. If I can't scare a kindergartener what good am I?

If you have any suggestions on legal ways to terrify small children please let me know.

What's in a name?

2005-04-26T12:20:00.000-05:00

After a great deal of contemplation and what may end up being way too much cold medicine, I settled upon a new name for my blog. Actually what I really did, was look at Nate's suggestions for a name and then keep trying until finally one of them wasn't already taken.
I'm not sure if this one is a keeper yet. It really depends upon what (my life partner/roommate whatever) Lisa thinks of it. She has the veto power in this relationship.
Let me know what you think too....should this stick or should I move on?

Too Cute

2005-04-24T17:31:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking lately about my total lack of cool, and I have decided it is probably do in part to the lack of cool in my job. It doesn't help that I totally love my job and all of the little things that go with it. Here are a couple of the really cute quotes that I get to hear firsthand in my classroom.

On the Topic of clothing Allergies
(Setting the scene: My class was outside on the playground on a beautiful almost spring day, Jarod comes running up to me with a very important announcement.)
Gasping and out of breath "Miss Malenke, Miss Malenke, did you know...(gasp)...did you know that I am alergic to yellow coats?"

As it turns out...yellow coats aren't really a problem...Yellow Jackets on the other hand are!

What Color are Your Eyes?
(Setting the scene: My class is sitting around holding hand during circle prayer)
Gatlin: "Dear God please, please turn Jarod's eyes white so that he can come back to school.

Prayer Update: God answered our prayers and Jarod's pinkeye cleared right up!

Sorry I'm Lame

2005-04-23T13:39:00.000-05:00

So recently, there have been some complaints to my blog. "Oh, Erin...you don't ever blog....oh your name sucks...oh....I'm crying". So in response. I say " I know I'm lame....you have known I was lame for quite some time. Stop expecting coolness where there is none." That's all I have to say about that.
The End.

Bathroom Humor

2005-04-11T09:05:00.000-05:00

Not too long ago......in a land not too far away, I was in an airport bathroom. Normally I would end the story there with the witty closing, and then I found $5, but for once...this story has a real ending. So anyway, there I am, in the bathroom stall when I hear commotion in the stall next to mine. I discovered I was neighbors with a grandma and a very little girl. The two of them are talking and taking turns as often happens when the young and old share a bathroom stall when out of nowhere I heard the sound of a fart followed by childish laughter and the comment, "Grandma...it sounds like you just sat on a duck."
It made my whole day!